“Then, listen hard, with full attention,” she said. “Don’t trash talk, cheerlead or problem solve,” said Abby Medcalf, a psychologist in Berkeley, Calif., and the founder of the podcast “ Relationships Made Easy.”
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Watching a movie together can be greatly comforting, as can talking while hiking. “People have a two-to-four-month bandwidth for dealing with others’ pain, but recovering from divorce in less than six months is fast,” she said.įor those who question their conversational skills, good listening does not necessitate nonstop chatter. In sourcing a team of supporters, Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist in Sonoma County, Calif., who also runs ongoing divorce support groups, recommends turning to people unafraid of strong feelings, or the time it may take to process them. “As I shared, they felt safe to talk about their marital problems,” Mr. When he talked about it with friends, he noticed they became more intimate and opened up about relationship issues that they had previously kept guarded. Stéphane Jutras, who lives in Canada and hosts the podcast “ Divorced Dad Diaries,” divorced in 2018. “A supportive person helps you see yourself in a bright next chapter, not someone who urges you to complain or stay in victim mode,” she said.
When Amy Armstrong, a family therapist in Columbus, Ohio, went through her own divorce, finding friends able to listen without turning her story into drama - or gossip - was a lifeline. “Don’t stop inviting divorced friends to parties just because they are single and call them on holidays even years after the divorce is over,” said Ms. “We have a tendency to want to fix bad things for our friends, but trying to cheer someone up is often about calming our own discomfort and doesn’t help those trying to relieve hard emotions.” Mead, who recommends refraining from offering advice, suggestions or any hint of, “I told you so.” If you don’t know what to say, try this: “I know I can’t fix it but I am here for you,” she advised. “They are often desperate and feel incredible shame.” “Divorcees are losing the person they have been most connected to in their whole life,” said Ms. But the right kind of listening takes finesse. Though it is often assumed that those in an initial separation need space, Ashley Mead, a psychotherapist based in New York who specializes in divorce, recommends connection. Harrison.įrom grand gestures to small acts of kindness, experts say that there are many ways to help those slammed by the shame, shock and economic panic of a separation or divorce. “I absolutely would not have been able to make it without his help,” said Ms.
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